I pulled this out of my old diaries. That’s not what I’m going through right now, but it was my condition once. The moments when you realize that you’ve run out. This is not a depression or a bottom. This is the moment when you just exhale and realize that you can no longer burn the way you used to. You’re not alive, but you’re not dead either. Just emptiness. Everything that used to be important now seems empty.

I got it now because I understand that there are those who are going through this now. Those who feel the same way I felt back then. You are not alone. This is not the end. It’s just a moment when you need to stop and recuperate. This is not a fall, but a search for how to get up again when there is no more energy.

No one wants to know what they don’t understand.

Either I’m dead, or I’ll never come back.

I thought I was deciding,
but I was always deciding for others.

Lies are what remains when everything is gone.
That’s when I gave up.

My pain is my only freedom.

I don’t hear it because it’s not my voice.

I thought I could refuse, but I only refused myself.

Freedom doesn’t come through refusal; it comes through accepting pain.

And every time I stand, I say, “I’m waiting.”

I expected him to return,
but he left because I couldn’t meet his gaze.

I build walls, but I only see them in the mirror.

My freedom was built from emptiness, and now I’ve lost it.

I don’t understand that I don’t understand,
and everything around me is empty waiting.

I believe in form,
and the form tells me, “You’re not needed.”

Only when I turned away, I realized I’m disappearing.

I wasn’t ready, and they didn’t come because I wasn’t ready.

People come and go,
but I remain in my waiting.

I hold them, but they leave because I couldn’t hold myself.

Now I see only my reflection and its emptiness.

Every mistake became my soul, and I love it.

I hear everything leaving and think it’s not me.

Because I thought I held them,
but they already left.

There’s nothing in me that could have held them.

I fill the emptiness because nothing remains.

My story is an illusion I couldn’t believe.

I became the one I feared, and now I’m afraid to return to myself.

My words are just cracks in the mirror, and I keep filling them.

Every “I” dies, but I keep breathing it out like a shadow.

I didn’t seek freedom; I sought escape from the truth.

I was always alone, but now I’m afraid to stay.

I hear everything disappearing and think it’s not me.

I stopped believing, and now I believe in this more than anything.

Everything I went through can’t return, but I keep waiting.

I saw them leave, and I decided I would stay.

I hide myself, but they see me in the mirror.

I gave up everything, but got nothing in return.

I knew I couldn’t be who I was, but I kept going.

I’m afraid to be myself because it destroys everything I knew.

I hide my mistakes, but now they’re my face.

I think I can stop them, but they’ve already passed.

I stand in a room filled with emptiness and think it’s my place.

I can’t take what’s mine because I don’t know how to.

I changed everything, but couldn’t bring anything back.

I saw them, but now they’re only a shadow.

I filled the emptiness with words, but they said nothing.

I left all my dreams, and they returned with empty hands.

I always knew they’d leave, but I left everything so they could return.

I hear their footsteps, but they’ve already gone.

I wanted to be someone else, but never became myself.

I don’t understand how it happened because I didn’t see how it disappeared.

I closed my eyes and thought they came, but in reality, I was alone.

I lost myself, but now I’m afraid to return.

I turned away from them, but they see me everywhere.

I tried to leave, but got lost in who I wasn’t.

I feel empty because I left everything to find myself.

I saw the truth, but closed my eyes not to see it.

I stand again in the same place where I started, but now I can’t return.

I filled the silence with noise, but now I hear it more than ever.

I think I’ll get through this, but I can’t find the way.

I say I forgot, but everything stayed.

I think everything is gone, but it will return.

I thought I was alive, but now I see it was all an illusion.

I left my shadow and now I search for it in others.

I lost my shape, but now I try to find it in others.

I thought I was leaving, but now I understand that I just became what I ran from.

I run from myself, but I can’t leave.

I keep repeating mistakes, thinking it’s a choice.

I search for answers, but they’re hidden in me.

I lost time, but time has already lost me.

I filled my place with someone else’s thoughts, but now I can’t find my own.

I thought I could change myself, but I was always who I am.

I stand in the shadow and think it’s light.

I can’t return because I was the one who left.

I became who I didn’t want to be, but now it’s my reality.

I closed my eyes to forget, but now I can’t remember.

I tell myself I forgot, but that’s not true.

I don’t see how I hide the truth because I don’t want to see it.

I search for answers in others’ words, but they won’t give me the truth.

I hear their footsteps, but they’ve already passed.

I try to run, but I always come back to the same place.

I think I’m free, but I never was.

I filled everything with emptiness, and now the emptiness has filled me.

I hold everything I can’t let go of.

I thought I was alone, but now I understand I’m part of everything.

I lost myself, but now I see I was never who I thought I was.

I thought it was over, but it’s only just begun.

I search for an exit, but I don’t see that it’s always been with me.

I’m alone again, but now I know it’s not the end.

I hide myself in others, but I can’t find myself in them.

I’ll keep searching, but I won’t find it.

I waited, but now I realize waiting is not the solution.

I live in a world I can’t see.

I think I left, but I stayed.

I close my eyes to forget, but I remember more than ever.

I search within myself for answers, but I won’t find them.

I keep walking, but I don’t understand where.

I search, but I know the answer is hidden in me.

I lost myself, but I won’t return.

I think it’s the end, but it’s just the beginning.

I was right to leave, but now I understand I never left.

### Where you are now

This text belongs to my personal writing — fragments taken from lived experience and old diaries, without interpretation or promised resolution.

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Category: Writing

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